This is a story that unpacks male fragility. It explores the effects of childhood trauma/bullying on one’s sexuality and one’s insecurities and how that creates a vicious cycle of toxic masculine behavior. A society that does not value compassion and empathy through open communication and safe spaces can only produce a man that is bereft of those values. This is a peek into the bedroom of one such amputated soul. The plot revolves around 1) Jack, shy introvert who is living a closeted life – his sexual orientation, his political views, his insecurities; 2) Lisa – a progressive to the bone, believes in open communication and goes out of her way to make people feel welcome.
Jack (Jimmy Broadway) is a 5.8ft white man in his late fifties. He grew up in the suburbs of Atlanta, Georgia in a middle-income household. As a short kid, he had a tough time with kids his age bullying him on and off the basketball court and cafeteria. He made it a point to leave Atlanta to forget his past. He worked hard and performed well in school. While he was no jock, he was quite the chess and quiz bowl champion.
He worked his way up in life, first my getting a business degree and then one specializing in mergers in acquisitions, landing him a job in finance in New York. Over the years he managed to make a living out of it and a name for himself in M&A world. He met his wife Lisa at a fundraiser organized by his firm for underprivileged youth where she was coordinating efforts.
Lisa grew up in the Midwest, in a segregated town and had made it her life’s work to integrate communities. She studied environmental science and was passionate about racial and social justice. She is 5.7, red head with strong shoulders and brawny hands that could fix anything from a car to a tool shed. They dated for about six months before tying the knot. Now, in their 50s, they have a daughter in
college, who visits them only in the summer.
Jack and Lisa were very different people. Jack watched Clint Eastwood movie while she watched critically acclaimed movies. He was conservative on debates surrounding gender issues and race issues while she was an activist supporting racial and social justice. Managing to keep his views closeted, he wanted to make the marriage work. He did not share his dislike with her and she always assumed he was a white liberal from the south i.e., one with right of center beliefs in the north.
The financial crisis from the covid pandemic caught Jack’s firm by surprise and he lost his job. Months passed by and his frustration with the rejection letters got to him. Close to a year without a job, living off his severance package, he fell into depression and it affected every aspect of his life. While Lisa tried to be supportive in the initial months after his termination, off late she had expressed her frustration and disappointment in him as well.
Back when he was working fulltime, she took on part time roles and managed the house full time. With him staying home all day, she expected his assistance. However, he didn’t help her much. He spent much of the day watching television, playing on his PlayStation or
worse inviting his friends over for food without getting her prior approval. In the evenings he spent a lot of time in his man cave, only to get out for dinner. He would go back into it and return to bed at 1 am or so.
This routine led to the suffering of their sex life with his erections weakening and him unable to last long even if he had one. To add insult to injury, Lisa was in her prime. She wanted more and kinkier sex. She was beginning to show her frustrations. Their relationship was built on a solid bedrock of communication, at least on her end. He was emotionally stunted. She expressed her frustrations
and offered solutions like therapy and medication. Jack was hesitant.
Over the past few months Jacks insecurities that had been buried deep in his memory began to flare up and he was not willing let down his guard with her. He became even less vulnerable with her. It began with Lisa’s suggestion that he wear a cock sleeve few months ago. Early on in their dating life, Lisa had mentioned about her past preferences for tall, Black men who were well endowed. Suppose Jack was the odd one out. Her recent renewal of her kinks did not help his situation. He became the teenage version of himself, measuring himself with a tape, only to be disappointed in his genetics.
His sex life was not nonexistent. He could get semi erect with porn. He indulged in his own kinks. He surfed the net for interracial porn, small penis humiliation, cuckold porn and trans porn. He took whatever made him feel worse, himself. He relieved himself. He could not get aroused to the real thing anymore. He couldn’t be the protagonist in his sex life.
Lisa was getting tired of mothering him. One day while she was putting away clothes, she smelled something bad from his man cave. She entered the room to be shocked by its disarray. Candy wrappers to chips to soda cans to clothes on the floor. As she picked them all up, she noticed his Vaseline with napkins lying next to him. She exhaled and in frustration threw them into the trash can she
was carrying. She put the trash can down and sat on the chair to check what was going on in his laptop. Lisa stumbled upon one of the webpages he had forgot to close. She was shocked and did not know what to think of it. For a man who had no LGBTQ or black friends in his life, he had a lot of them in his browser history.
Meanwhile, Lisa was going about her fifties like she was in her prime. She exercised, did hot yoga, and marched for women’s rights and LGBTQ rights and Black people’s rights. In one of those marches, she met Carmen. Carmen was tall and strong. They became friends and worked out together, did hot yoga together, marched together. They became close friends, so close that Lisa would share her marital troubles with Carmen. Her husband’s struggle was one.
She shared with her about his struggles, about his recent internet adventures. Carmen was the shoulder Lisa needed. Carmen consoled her and suggested she accept him for who he is. She suggested she get him a gift to indicate her acceptance. And she did. Lisa noticed that he had added a product to his cart. Thinking that would be appropriate and what the doctor would order for his chronic habits, she decided to order him a cock cage.
She left it on his desk with a post-it note that read “please bring it and come to bed tonight.” He got it to the bedroom that night. She explained what she had seen and her frustrations. She offered it as a solution and conveyed her support for his kinks as long as she had hers. He was befuddled by what that meant. He wasn’t sure what she had in mind. To break the silence in the air, words left his mouth “what does that mean.” She responded in a stern voice that she wants the relationship to be open for her to have a satisfying romantic life. He got the feeling that it wasn’t up for discussion much.
With a nod of his head, he hesitantly agreed. As he was about to leave the room, she called on him to come closer for a bit. She pulled him closer and began unzipping his pants. He was sweating, both anxiety and excitement sweating out of him. She pulled his boxers to the ground. Grabbed the cage from his hand and put it on. Locked it with a key and dropped the key in the valley of her breasts.
A month into the new lifestyle, Jack was getting used to the chastity while Lisa was having a tough time finding romantic partners giving herself her own chastity. One evening she brought Carmen over for wine and conversation. A bottle of wine later, she was sobbing about her life, questioning her attractiveness. Carmen pitched in and consoled her.
Appreciating her beauty and sharing her own life struggles, Carmen placed her hand on Lisa’s face to wipe her tears, when she accidentally touched her lips. Sparks flew. Their eyes met. Carmen moved closer and made the move. As their lips locked, Carmen’s hands moved
around Lisa, bringing her closer. They made out for a few minutes before Carmen moved away. She said, “there is something you need to know about me.” She dropped her dress and then her panties to the floor.
Lisa was shocked for a moment. But two later, she was pleasantly surprised. She grabbed Carmen by her butt and brought her closer to her and took her cock in her mouth. Maybe it was the dry spell, or maybe it was Carmen’s consoling or just maybe it was her beautiful cock. Lisa in a matter of minutes got it rock hard. She paused and said, “you have a big beautiful cock”. Carmen blushed and a wide smile crossed her face.
Lisa’s dry streak was over. Nothing was dry later that evening. A few weeks passed and Carmen and Lisa were getting to know each other in every carnal way possible, from ropes to chocolate syrup. Jack was trying to get used to this setup. However, he was struggling. He had no release and Carmen was not his first choice for a romantic partner for Lisa. She triggered his racist, transphobic side. It crushed his fragile ego. It wasn’t long before that this white fragility took to violence.
It was a Sunday morning, and it was time for church. Jack and Lisa had maintained an image of a happy married couple for their church. They wanted to go about their lives without damaging their established goodwill in the community. Jack knocked on the door. He didn’t get a response, but only loud giggles and words “stop it,” “you are too much.” The door was not shut properly, he managed to get a peek into what was going on. Carmen had pinned Lisa to the bed and was licking her armpits, making her ticklish. Jack walked away and into his room. He cried. He felt powerless. He approached his gun cabinet. While he opened the cabinet, the door behind him was slowly opened as well. Hearing the sound of the door, he quickly shut the cabinet and turned back.
He saw Carmen in a tank top and boxers. She asked him if he was busy. He said he was waiting for Lisa to go to church. She nodded and asked him to follow her. She took him to the bedroom and shut the door behind him. Lisa was shocked, she gasped, what are you doing Carmen. Carmen was relaxed and said “all he needs is love.” She pulled his khaki pants down and then his underwear to the floor.
She unlocked him and took him in her mouth.
To be continued…
By Jack Weber